i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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