Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
