That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
