I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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