your parents love me but you hate me
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
