nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
