the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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