i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
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