I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
