why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You are the jesus of drinking
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
