My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
