i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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