# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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