You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
