Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
