God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
