is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
