guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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