I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We're not piercing ourselves today.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
