My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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