Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
