you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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