Can i not drive my cunt home
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
