I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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