well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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