Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
