considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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