Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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