Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
