Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
