4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
