either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
