Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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