you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
