think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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