you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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