I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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