I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
