My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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