i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
