omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Be still, my beating vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
