The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
