I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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