my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
