well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
