At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
