just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
