Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
