I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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