I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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