Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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