i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
