9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
