I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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