So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I forget how to act sober
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
