So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
