I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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