Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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