we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
