you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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