sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
