I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
