I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
