im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
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Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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