That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
