just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
