i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
