i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
