yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
