Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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