the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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