yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
