Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
