eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
