So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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