Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
