My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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