1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
