i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
