I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
