If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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