bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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